It's all about the science!

I really feel so blessed to be able to home school the kids this year.  Yes, we have had some really rough days, but they have been far and few between.  Zachary really has focus issues, but I think he is learning that on the days he actually focuses, he is done in about three hours.  When he doesn't focus.... well, we've had some ten hour days.  Either way, he is still getting much better grades than he did in public school!  He is finally showing what he is capable of.  And I love being home with him!!! (Even when he drives me crazy.)

Emily's math anxieties led to drastic measures.  We actually sought the help of a behavioral therapist.  We've only had a few sessions but it has already helped.  Now before we start math class, we put some lavender on.  We have been collecting essential oils!  Sometimes we burn them, sometimes we just have them out.  We have little rituals to help her prepare.  It has definitely helped a lot.  She actually had a whole lesson that she did entirely on her own without my help at all!  So far, Zachary has done extremely well while Emily just did "okay", but I think we have reached a turn around point for her.  And now I have a better idea of what is expected, which helps a lot.

While I love the Calvert curriculum, I do not love having to stay on the school calendar schedule.  I find it very stressful since Emily started two whole weeks late, which was totally NOT our fault.  I registered for this program last March.  Her IEP meeting wasn't until August, the week before school.  That meant that they couldn't register her until the week of school, so we didn't get her books until very late.  (So not fair to her.)  For a child that juggles school work, therapy, hospital stays, insomnia, and many days where she just doesn't feel well, the school calendar just doesn't work for us.  That thing is what I find most stressful.  We have decided that next year we will try homeschooling on our own.  I'm still searching through different curriculum, and I'm even contemplating "unschooling", or at least hoping to learn more about it.  We need MUCH less stress, and this year we actually have more.  Emily has more work now than she did in regular school, including working on the weekends.  It is the only way that she can get caught up.  Whenever we think that we may be able to find a day to help catch up, something happens to make us miss a day.  This week she woke up with a sinus infection on Thursday and Friday we had her great-grandmother's funeral.  Obviously, neither was planned.  We really just need much more flexibility.

One thing that we all love about this, aside from the obvious, is that we have become a house of science!  I know that I mentioned it before but we have got the science going on!  It started with the butterfly garden.  It is a joy to go outside every day and check on the caterpillars!  Now we have lady bugs moving in.  :)  We have watched them turn from one type of bug into another- something that I totally forgot they did!  We have observed a Monarch chrysallis.  We have had a baby bird that took shelter under our passion flower plant.  The nest was a mess, we couldn't put it back there, but we could help it along and protect it.  We have our crabs, which is a whole different world for us, and we had a sick fish that we brought back from the brink of death.  We also have a complicated water test kit now for the fish that is like a chemistry lesson for us!  I love it!

One cool thing about having the essential oils is, once you find out all that you can do with them, it kind of becomes a hobby.  Kevin and I are looking into making  our own soaps, laundry detergent and fabric softener.  He made some household cleaners that are 100% natural and disinfecting, and we are learning how to use them as natural remedies.  For instance, we have learned that lavender and rosemary help headaches.  A couple of drops of rosemary on a hair brush will help to thicken hair.  Now if we can only go gluten and sugar free.....  :)  One step at a time!  I will try to share more with the next post!  Hopefully it won't be as long.

My last note is my school!  This semester I have Humanities (online) and a math class.  I actually go to school for my math, but only one night a week.  Fortunately I have found time while the kids are working to do my work, as well as after they go to bed.  For the most part, my classes are doing well.  I may end up with B's, which is sad, but I guess I can live with.  I'm still waiting on the score for my largest Humanities project, which has me nervous.  It is worth 100 points, while my mid-term and final are only worth 50 points each.  I really appreciate the challenge this class has to offer, and the subject matter is fascinating.  I am so happy being back in school.  I never thought I would do this, but I love it!!!  Anyway, off to bed I go.  A lovely twelve hour work day is ahead.  Three more years (or so) until I get my degree....

Getting it down to a science

The past month has been quite interesting!  I have not had a second to myself.

For program background- This isn't the traditional homeschool program yet that we are doing.  I wanted to have some structure and some guidance, and also an idea that this would work, before we set off on our own.  Our school district has a deal with a public homeschool, Calvert Academy.   I had asked the kids initially how they would feel about virtual school, but Emily wanted books.  Calvert's curriculum includes books as well as some online content, and teacher support for those of us that weren't really sure what to do at first.  I have actually done better than I thought I would.  I was never very organized, but I am learning quickly!  :)

There are down points to using Calvert's district curriculum as opposed to traditional homeschooling.  For starters, our program is based on our district's school calendar, so when their supplies weren't here when school started, we were already off-track.  There is a scheduler, which is amazing to use for knowing what you need and when, but if you are starting late, that means that you have extra assignments until you are caught up.  This means a math session on Saturday and an hour of reading and writing on Sunday.

Zachary's supplies got to us at the end of our first week.  Emily's books didn't reach us until the end of the second week!  The first week or so Zach was very unfocused, and I wasn't sure how I was going to swing this with one child- never mind two!  However, every day he got a bit more into the swing of it, and now he does pretty well.  He isn't always focused, and I see how he tries to get out of things, but I have to say that I love being able to lay down on the couch with him for his science class!

Emily wasn't able to really start on any of her work until last Friday.  We have a LOT of catching up to do, but it's one day at a time.  She is doing much better than I had hoped for, but it hasn't been easy.  Trying to get her started while helping him the first day was a nightmare.  It's getting easier day by day.  I discovered that I really need to get everything set up the day before.  It can take two hours to get their books out and see what we need to do in a day. She still has a lot of work; currently, there are several days that she has history and geography and science, while it looks like normally she would have either history or geography, and science only 3 days per week.  I think another two weeks and she should be back to normal.  We shall see. 

My biggest fear with all of this was math.  I'm good, but both of my kids struggle in math.  Here's what I figured out:  Yes, Emily missed a LOT of school last year, meaning that she missed a lot of math.  She caught up with her class despite missing some whole lessons, but it made her feel like she didn't know what she was doing.  Math began to cause her huge anxiety back when she first started missing school, but over the summer her fear just grew and grew.  I would try to explain that she won't have to worry about missing anymore, but she just got more upset.  Our first day of math was NOT good.  Easy stuff she had absolutely no confidence for.  I knew that she knew, but her mind was blowing everything out of proportion.  I began to arrange for Behavioral Therapy sessions.  We have a consulatation with an ABA counselor this coming Tuesday.  This should help with her anxieties not only for math, but also for medical testing.

The past two days she did such an amazing job on her math!  Yesterday I ran out to a learning store to grab an aid for decimal points, and I grabbed a microscope.  I'm pretty excited about that!  We played around with it last night.  It seems as though every science chapter has an experiment in it that requires a microscope, so it should get quite a bit of use!

The greatest theme in our lives through the month of August, and now into September, has been science.  I hated my science classes as a kid, but now I look and it's all around me!  We ordered caterpillars through the mail, and we watched them form their chrysallis, emerge, and finally head out into the wild.  We still see them flying around the house.  What a blessing!  The other awesome science has been our butterfly garden.  Thanks to the gardening obsessions of a good friend, we now have a garden filled with butterfly-friendly plants.  It's so cool to go outside and look for baby caterpillars, and later Monarch butterflies.

So far, our experience has been good.  Every day it gets a little easier.  We are using alarms to signify the end of each class period, which helps my son to keep focused.  We spend much less time studying when we have the alarms set!  I have to say, it has been so cool to see different sides of them, be able to encourage them in different ways, and get to see how they think more.  Emily is very driven.  Yesterday she took her whole day into her own hands and basically did everything without guidance- just asking me to double-check her work.  I have said for a while that I think my son is brilliant.  Well, perhaps he isn't a genius, but he is pretty darn smart.  Yes, he lacks focus and he is lazy, but when he wants to he is pretty amazing.  If he wants to hurry... well, he'll get everything wrong, but if he feels like working, everything will be perfect.  He picked up a few of my math tricks; next thing I know, he is doing math in his head.  I've had to correct some of his habits, but he's doing extremely well.  Overall, this has been an amazing experience so far!   

Almost time to start!

Monday will bring the official start to our homeschooling adventures!  Because nothing is normal with us, their materials are not yet in and Emily isn't 100% setup yet.  While I started the process of registering her back in March, the school that we are using could not officially register her until they held an IEP meeting (Individual Education Plan) for her.  Since we are using a county school program, they wanted to speak to her teacher's and support staff from last year.  School is starting on Monday, but we only had her IEP meeting today!  We met today with her teacher, her school occupational and physical therapists, her hospital homebound teacher, and the ESE teacher.  (Special education).  We had someone from the county homeschool section on speaker phone.  In the past she has struggled with math due to the excessive absences from medical conditions.  At first our school staff didn't seem sure that this could be good for us, but in the end I think that they were all impressed with what this homebound opportunity has to present.

Because I am not a good teacher, I never really thought that I could do something like this.  I was very worried about teaching a traditional home school curriculum, mostly because it lacked teacher support.  Perhaps we will stay with this, or perhaps we will eventually move to a different curriculum.  Time is on our side.  Or, if homeschooling does not prove to be a good fit for us, by using this county program, she will be easily transitioned back into her old school.  I really appreciate that.  I think that this will be perfect but just in case...

Once we're able to start I think I will be happy with it.  The program that we are using is Calvert Academy.  It's a private homeschooler that also works with counties.  Not only is this partially an online program but there are also books and bookwork.  When we started talking about homeschooling, I asked my children if they would prefer all online or a blend.  This blend should meet their needs, keep them engaged, but also be flexible enough for our hospital trips to not interfere in their education.  Where a traditional school will keep moving and Emily would have to fight to catch up, this new option will start back up where she left off.  I really, really appreciate that.  This truly seems as though it will be a perfect fit for us.  I hope so.  Oh, and we'll still have field trips.  They say it's usually about one a month.

The only worrisome part thus far is that, not only is Emily not 100% set yet but we haven't gotten Zachary's material yet.  I am really hoping that we can at least start the online parts on Monday, but I also don't want to get so far ahead that they are backtracking with the worksheets.  Either way, we'll get it done.  I am so excited for this opportunity!!!  I really hope that this is as perfect as it sounds.

The Rain

One of the most perfect times for me happens to be when it is raining.  Last night was a wonderfully rainy evening.  I lay in my bed, alternating between talking quietly to my husband and starting to fall asleep when it started.  It began as a gentle pitter-patter, falling lightly enough to cleanse the area.  Soon enough it became a raging storm, roaring through the house and pounding outside with great intensity.  My little man, always afraid of a good storm, came to ask me if he could sleep in the living room.  I got him settled and went to lay down with him.  It is such a sweet, loving time cuddling my boy.  I know that these moments won't last forever; I want to hang onto them for as long as possible.  I love how fragile he is, how sensitive and sweet.  He is still comforted greatly just by my presence.  Oh, if only I could always protect him like I can now!  I know that one day he will no longer be afraid of the rain.  Perhaps one day it will fail to affect me as it does now.  But I will always fondly look back on moments like this when it rains.

Disappointed in myself- A little vent

Yes, I am disappointed.  Mostly I am disappointed in myself.  While I have enjoyed my Comp class, I have tried hard to enjoy my math.  When I understand math, I can find it fun actually.  When I don't understand it and I have nowhere to turn..... not so much.  I had discussed with my husband a few weeks ago how lost I felt.  Again, I had no idea that summer courses were half of a regular semester.  My math skills, or lack thereof, really need a full 16 weeks to blossom.  I know that I will get it; the question became more how quickly.  The answer?  Not quickly enough.  I am looking forward to repeating that class next semester.

It's okay!  While I am disappointed, I also know that I worked harder at this than I thought possible.  I devoted whole days at a time to math.  I did learn a LOT.  Unfortunately, it was learned very quickly, and some was forgotten because the concepts were finally grasped as the next chapter began.  <Sigh>

I didn't expect this to be easy.  However, I expected that it would be easier.  I truly feel as though this is what God wants me to do.  Eventually becoming a specialist in my children's disabilities will not only help to serve them, but I also feel that I am supposed to go on a missions trip to India one day and help people there.  While I would rather go to Peru, or almost anywhere else,  I feel like India is where I am supposed to go. 

I am thankful for my writing.  I truly feel that I write better than I speak.  I swear, while speaking I feel so scattered, I never seem to say the right thing, I never know what to say, and I'm either talking too quickly or sometimes I start stuttering.  I put my heart into writing, no matter what I write about.  I know that I am far from the best writer, or the most organized or pulled-together, but it is such a huge part of me.

When I was a child I wrote a LOT.  I wrote songs, I wrote poetry, and I started writing a book.  As a mom, I seemed to forget about writing until my daughter got sick.  Then it became a way of venting because so few people understood the severity of her conditions, or even why it was a big deal to me.  While that should be a no-brainer, people seemed genuinely stumped about my sadness for her.  So I began to write again as an outlet.  Next thing I knew, I had a group of other mother's that were going through the same things that also blogged.  And then I had people that had children that were just diagnosed that reached out to me for help.  I realized that there was power in writing.  I could help people, I could educate people, I could help to change the perceptions of the disease, and I could fight back against the diseases that threatened my child.  When I started my writing journey, I started it as a very depressed mother that could not seem to find hope in anything.  Between my writing, my church, and my amazing family, I rose above the depression that fought to overtake me to become the person that I am today.  Writing isn't just a class for me; it is my life.  While it can be difficult to write in a different form than I usually use, it was exciting to explore different ways to write, and it was great to learn how to properly credit people.  I don't think that I have ever not given someone proper credit, but it is nice to know that I was doing things pretty well.  It was also nice to learn how to create a bibliography.  Tedious?  Yes.  Complicated?  Oh my gosh, yes!  But it was a great lesson. 

So now I will continue on knowing a little more, thinking about how I write things more, contemplating different word choices more, but likely enjoying writing a little more every day. 

Reasons to try harder :)

Well, I got my first essay grade back.  I got a 'B'.  No, it isn't bad.  BUT... I had hoped for better.  I had a few problems.  One was my MLA format, which I thought that I had correct.  I will have to ask for clarification on that.  Problem number two was a bit of a lack of focus.  The biggest problem was problem three.  And I almost have to laugh at this.

I swear, some days I feel thought challenged, like nothing makes sense.  Perhaps it is because of how much I am juggling, or maybe just a blonde moment.  In any case, I pulled a good one.  Somehow, when I read the directions, I read that we had to pick a moment, and that the entire time limit spent writing the essay should be between a half hour and an hour.  The real directions were to pick one moment that happened in a matter of a half hour to an hour.  OH!!!  Yeah, that's a little different.  It's times like these that I wonder what the heck was I thinking??? 

Worse than that, after I turned in my final paper, I thought of the PERFECT moment.  Had I gone with this moment instead, I would have avoided several problems.  I agonized for days between my mother's cancer diagnosis, my father's heart attack, or when my daughter first encountered a dolphin.  My husband and I thought about the trip with the dolphin, but neither of us could remember enough details.  What I should have written about happened during that same trip!  That week was the week of my daughter Emily's Make A Wish trip.  That week we stayed at Give Kids the World village.  While there were many special moments, when we saw Emily's star up on the ceiling for the first time, it took my breath away and made all of us feel so emotional.  The whole idea of this just makes you think.  While my child has a life threatening disease, while her medications are dangerous and put her at risk, she is not terminal.  There are many children that visit the village that are terminal.  Each sick child places a star, and it stays there.  Forever.  The families are always allowed to come visit- especially those who have a fallen angel; they are allowed to go back to visit the star.  Just thinking about this still makes me cry!  Seeing all of those stars up there on that ceiling makes you question how many of those sick children are still here, and it makes you stop and think.  This was a beautiful, touching, special, emotional moment for our family.  I will remember this for the next essay based on one moment.  Perhaps I will write more about it later.  It's a hard topic to write about.

Oops!

I am the type of person that admits my mistakes.  It may not always be the smartest move, but I at least have a clear conscience.

I admit- I completely forgot the MAIN rule of our narrative composition essay assignment.  I whipped out a quick rough draft that I was pretty happy with.  The more time that went by, I felt that I had missed the point of the piece.  It is to be based around one moment.  I felt that my one moment was kind of missed and I was sure that I could do it better if I re-wrote it.  Completely forgetting the half hour to hour time limit, I started over.  It wasn't until I saw the notice posted that people who went over the hour time limit would be penalized that I realized my error.  Ah, I am so glad that we can learn from our mistakes!  Yes, I will likely get points off, but I accept that because I deserve it.  I will also ensure that I will do better next time.

This assignment has been difficult for me.  I really am having a difficult time writing details.  I have just been so consumed with medical details that I forgot about life details at some point.  This has really made me look at things in a different way, but I still feel a little lost.  What made this paper more challenging was the 600-800 word limit.  The tutor that reviewed my paper suggested including more details, anecdotes and stories.  My paper was at 768 words when I turned it into the tutor.  I saw the advice and somewhat panicked.  How can I do that with so few precious words left to use?  I have spent the past two days pondering my paper.  I have made some revisions, however I do not feel that they are enough.  I am at a stop, not knowing what I should do next.

Again I have to laugh because when I was in high school, while I did not mind doing well, I certainly did not strive to do well.  I really was a terrible student.  Suddenly, school is all that I think about.  While I am definitely being challenged as a student, person, parent, and employee, I am actually enjoying this.  I am even kind of glad that I waited until now.  Here I am, I just turned 37 only six days into my first semester ever of college.  And I am ready to take on the world.  From the kid that couldn't stick to anything to a woman that has been working for the same company since 1995, I am happy that the time is now.   Am I overwhelmed?  A little bit, but it is getting easier every day.  I think that if I can get through this semester, I can do anything.  I am praying that I can do this with the strength, wisdom, and knowledge of the good Lord with me at all times, for I know that I can do all things through Him.  This is His plan for me, and I will complete it in faith for Him.  Now if only I can do well enough to possibly get into medical school.  While I don't think I want to be an actual doctor anymore, it would be nice to have the option in a few years.  :)